Where are the teeth?

The first birthday was excellent. Gabe was a great sport - he tasted frosting, feigned interest in his gifts (although he really preferred the wrapping paper and empty boxes, of course), and smiled obligingly for photos. He even wore a ridiculous hat and played along as we blew out the candle on his cake. What a great baby. (Toddler. Sob!)

But I have to move on to a more pressing matter. (Literally.) WHERE ARE HIS TEETH?

Normally babies get their bottom two teeth first, followed by their top two teeth. Gabe's bottom two arrived a few months ago, pretty much right on schedule. The top two? Not so much. They refuse to appear. Oh, and he has decided that he's too cool to just get two measly top teeth at once. Instead, he has FOUR top teeth that have been trying to poke through for over a MONTH now. The gums are white, they are swollen, and yet the teeth refuse to break through. What is up with that? Seriously, biology, WTF? How is this a good system?

The teeth are painful-looking enough that even his pediatrician commented on them at his twelve-month (sob!) checkup yesterday. I believe her exact words were, "Yow. Those are no fun."

No fun indeed. They were definitely no fun at 1:47 a.m. last night, when Gabe decided the only logical thing to do was scream inconsolably for an hour and a half. Matt (trying for Husband Of The Year) got up with him first and rocked him for a half hour. Then I rocked him for a half hour. The Matt rocked him for ten minutes. Then I rocked him for another twenty minutes, and he finally went back to sleep. Goodness gracious. I forgot how rough that up-for-two-hours-in-the-middle-of-the-night thing is. Hard on the baby, hard on the mommy and daddy. I don't even have anything witty to say. I'm just kind of sleepy this evening as a result.

So anyhow, teeth, if you're listening, COME OUT ALREADY. Enough is enough. The kid is tired of gumming down bites of food, and he's definitely tired of being in pain. Plus mommy and daddy are lazy and want to sleep for seven consecutive hours tonight. Let's make it happen. (Then again, that toothless grin makes him look like he's still a baby. My precious little baby! Will never be a toddler! Never be a big kid! Never be a strapping teenager! Right?? Sob!)